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Archive for the ‘The Titular Column’ Category

Superman’s Dead(And We Killed Him)-From March 1st, 2011

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This column was written before the fall of Muammar Gadhaffi (this was the spelling being used in most news stories at the time, it has since been changed many times). He fell, that is certain…it is less certain if the victors were heroes.

Superman where are you now?

When everything’s gone wrong somehow?

-Genesis, Land of Confusion

This may sound absurd, but the situation in Libya has got me thinking about Superman.

I debated whether it was worth a column, but when I looked up the lyrics to “Land of Confusion” I found out that Muammar Gaddafi was featured in the original Genesis video for the song. Good enough for me.

I suppose what I am about to write will make more sense if I set a few ground rules. I believe in good and evil. I believe that there are such things as right and wrong. I do not believe in relativism. People exist on a spectrum between good and evil. No one is purely one or the other for every moment of their lives. But some people are much more of one than the other. Read the rest of this entry »

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Written by Colin Hodd

March 29, 2012 at 5:37 PM

Posted in The Titular Column

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Ball, As In Dropped-From February 17th, 2011

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This column, in all honesty, represents a low point in the quality of Almost Intelligent. After weeks of 6am writings, it was apparently time to pay the piper. (The Tara referenced here is Tara Chislett, the editor of a fine edition of the Aquinian, and as of this writing a reporter for the Daily Gleaner in Fredericton.)

Kids, I have a few pieces of advice I would like to pass on to you.

One, never punch a redwood especially not in Middle-Earth, since there’s a good chance it is really an Ent. If those movies (there were books or something too, novelizations of the films or some such?) taught me anything, it is that a pissed of tree will seriously end your shit.

Two, never agree to play three hockey games in a single day and then forget you’re supposed to write a column until 3 a.m.

Three, never make a deal with a one-eyed Mexican on a moonless night. Don’t ask why, just trust me on this.

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Written by Colin Hodd

March 29, 2012 at 3:40 PM

Posted in The Titular Column

The Palin Punchline-From November 29th, 2010

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I wrote this before Palin’s spectacular 2011-2012 non-campaign campaign during the Republican primaries. While the world seems to have finally gotten the joke, the fact that Palin was taken so seriously for so long remains absurd beyond any fiction I could hope to write.

Do you ever get the feeling that a joke has gone too far? Maybe when you’re still telling the joke but everyone has stopped laughing? Maybe when you and your friends are trying to hide the body? (Not in the trunk, its the first place they look.) Every joke, even a good one, reaches a point where it stops being funny.

Then there are the jokes that were never funny to begin with.

When I first heard that Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol was going to be on Dancing With The Stars I thought it was a bad joke. I don’t watch the show (and before you think that’s a pretension to manliness, I love Glee), but it seemed like a cheap stunt, even for reality TV. Ever since, when I skim the headlines, the entertainment section mentions Palin’s continued “success” on the show. As bad a joke as it is (she is not a celebrity or a dancer), by all accounts I’ve read, Bristol actually learned and improved as the show progressed.

I wish the same could be said of her mother. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Colin Hodd

March 28, 2012 at 3:14 PM

Posted in The Titular Column

Terrorist Douchebags-From November 9th, 2010

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This column came out of a less-than-objective outburst concerning terrorists, bombers, and various other killers of their ilk. While I might admit of more subtleties and gray areas in the future, I remain firm in this: A bomb is a coward’s weapon.

Last Tuesday bombs went off in Baghdad in approximately sixteen locations and 78 people died. Two days before that, 58 people were killed while attending a Sunday mass in the Iraqi capital. News reports say militants are responsible. I understand why they have to use the word. It’s neutral, nonjudgmental, impartial and wholly inadequate. In fact, the most accurate summation of these kinds of attacks came from The Daily Show’s Jon Oliver last year, referring to the attacks in Mumbai:

“Details are sketchy. While we don’t know their specific name, the one thing that is perfectly clear is that it appears to be a group of unbelievable motherfuckers, working in tandem with giant assholes.” Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Colin Hodd

March 28, 2012 at 3:12 PM

Posted in The Titular Column

When Death Passes Over-From November 2nd, 2010

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This column was written as a replacement for the one scheduled for Nov. 2nd, 2010. A student at my university had died while I was writing that column. The death would have year-long repercussions for the school, and the journalism class. For his friends and family, the impact will be lifelong.

When I finished my column last week I went to bed.

When I got up in the morning, I checked in with my editor to make sure my e-mail had been received. I was speaking with her on MSN at the time and asked how things were going. She told me things were hectic, that they were scrambling to get the paper together.

When I asked why, she said “You didn’t hear what happened?” I said no. Then she asked “Did you know Andrew Bartlett?” I immediately thought it was odd that she said “did.” I said no. “He was on the volleyball team at STU.” I think I knew then, or suspected. Was. Three letters, that made all the difference in the world. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Colin Hodd

March 28, 2012 at 3:02 PM

Posted in The Titular Column

Privacy Issues-From October 5, 2010

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The idea for this column came from a solid month or so during which the problems of privacy for the new generation was discussed (it seemed) in every second news story. I was frustrated and gave vent…although I am not sure my current views are precisely the same as they were in this column.

We are supposed to be the generation that gave up our privacy, and Facebook is supposed to be the altar we sacrificed it on.

Maybe we did, maybe we didn’t. That’s a debate for another time. One patently absurd idea is that Facebook, or smartphones, or any other piece of technology has in some way changed the way we are. People don’t change. At best, technology allows us to be more of what we were in the first place. (Also, I lied. I told you this article would be about Facebook. I thought it would too, but I promise the shift is at least thematically appropriate).The rise of Facebook, smartphones, and constant connection has lead to the re-opening of some “gray areas” that are not, in fact, any grayer now simply because of some newfangled gizmo. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Colin Hodd

March 28, 2012 at 2:55 PM

But Ya Gotta Have Friends

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In my third column I took a courageous stand in defending the institution of friendship, which we all know is a controversial topic. Don’t call me a hero, just know I am incredibly brave for addressing it.

Without friends no man would choose to live, though he had all other goods. -Aristotle

Brennan Huff: Listen, I know that we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.
Dale Doback: I would follow you into the mists of Avalon if that’s what you mean.

Peter Klaven: I need to get some fucking friends.

As you can see, in preparing for this article I did exhaustive research consisting of googling an Aristotle quote I was pretty sure I had heard somewhere, and then quickly googling two more sources from pop culture. In case the character names aren’t immediately apparent, those sources are “Step Brothers” and “I Love You Man”, respectively. Not being up on what the kids like these days, I am forced to assume that the latter two are also dignified works of philosophy, whose contributions to the field have come to rival those of Aristotle himself. Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Colin Hodd

April 14, 2011 at 5:41 PM

Posted in The Titular Column

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